Seriously... Do I Look Like I Can't Cook?

While talking to a family member this holiday season, (let's call her Jane Doe) I've been given the impression that she doesn't think I know how to cook. She'll even argue with me over making pancakes, because she wants to make them rather than try mine. (Which are FABULOUS, as a matter of fact.)
So she really has no idea whether or not I can cook at all. She's never dared to try my gourmet skills, so I find this highly annoying, though petty.

Now, see. When I was a teenager, my parents both worked 3rd shift. On weekdays, I'd cook supper when I could so my mother wouldn't have to wake up and cook. Though I cheat on my Chinese cuisine now, I have learned over the years how to make some pretty damned decent Chinese. I hate flat bottom woks, because growing up we had a round bottom wok, and I kick ass with one in my kitchen. And that's just Chinese.

A lot of the meals I cook right now are what I used to cook at home.That doesn't include my own creations, nor does it include sweets. I have perfected the Chocolate No Bake cookie recipe over the years. And I make some really amazing cakes. In fact, Jane Doe about had an orgasm in the middle of my kitchen while eating a slice of my cheesecake. I had to send my kids out of the room. But I can't cook, right?

Now I'm really not one to toot my own horn about my cooking, but sometimes I need to do more than toot...

The Flavor of Water

So today I was reading a bit of Useless Knowledge, and it says that humans can't taste water. We taste the minerals and impurities. Dogs, pigs, and other animals can taste the actual water.
And this got me to wondering....
How in the hell do they know what animals can or can't taste? Chuck says, "Well, they probably study the taste buds." That makes sense, to a point. Think of this: We have taste buds in the middle of our tongue that taste absolutely nothing. How do they know what taste buds taste, or if they even taste at all?
I guess I just haven't had this conversation with any dogs or pigs lately.

Didn't Your Momma Teach You How To Cross A Street?

Today I'm going to rattle on about Jaywalkers.
I hate jaywalkers.
You know, those bozos who stand at the side of the street, thumbs firmly inserted into their assholes, giving me dirty looks because I refuse to stop for them? OR. How about those ones who just take it upon themselves to waltz right out in to the middle of traffic, not bothering to look because they know you can't just run their dumbasses over.  Much as you'd like to...
HEY. Dumbfuck! Yah! YOU!
It's called a crosswalk. Can you say "Crosswalk"??
Were you not taught the proper and legal way to cross a street? Or were you just to dense to actually pick up on that? My bet is you're just too goddamned lazy.
Well, if you want me to stop for you, that's where you better be crossing.
How about from now on, everyone take a little consideration of OTHERS and stop the fucking jaywalking already?
Oh, and drivers aren't all innocent, either. I'm one who has rage issues with my BPD, and I have to use sheer will to keep from driving into the side of some asshole's car who doesn't stop for people in crosswalks.
So that's it for now.

'Tis The Season, And All...

So one of the problems I'm facing just now is trying to rethink my entire Christmas decoration scheme. New house means I have to start clear the hell over again. I even bought new garland and lights because I was thinking with last year's holiday brain.
"I can use these! It will be easy to find a place for them!"
That is until I remember that I have to figure out what I'm going to have to do with ALL of these lights. (I'm almost reaching Point Griswald, ok?) Lets not forget that this Old House doesn't have near the amount of plugins our old Old House had. So now I've got to manage to get all crafty with extension cords.
And just where the hell are my extension cords??
I think the little goblin who eats one sock out of each pair has also decided to eat all of my five hundred and eighty thousand extension cords. They are nowhere to be found.
Not a one of them.
And today we're going to put up the tree. I had decided that we were going to wait until the 20th to do so, but since I'm really not feeling very festive this year, I want to get it up and out of the way so I don't have to fuck with it that close to Christmas, when I'm sure I won't be feeling festive at all.
Now this leads to trying to decide how to safeguard the tree from the cats. Should I dig a moat and fill it with piranhas? Surround it with electric fence?
I bet neither of those ideas would work. My cats are pretty sly. So I guess it's just keep fingers crossed and hope for the best.
Is Christmas over yet?
I'm ready to tie one on for New Year's.